Airplane Etiquette

I love to travel. I love airplanes. I get excited when I travel. I also get scared. But I also get annoyed and angry with stupid people on planes. Though it's a post 9/11 life now, I try my best not to kill while on board.

What bugs me is when people bring on too many stuff on the plane. And then they spend time stuffing and stuffing their shit in there and I come along with my small carry on and can't get a spot under my seat number. This pisses me off.

It's usually a long flight for me when I travel, so I try to get some sleep. But I'm always excited so I can't really dose off. So I take out my ear plugs and watch a little tv. I'm relaxed. I'm cool. Then the bitch behind me gets up and pulls on my chair. So my head bumps off the chair. I turn around and say "Jesus Christ." That came out of my mouth without me thinking twice. That was my reaction.

Another time when that happened, the girl pulled my hair a bit. Of course by accident, but I got pissed and turned around. She walks down to the bathroom and her husband gets a good look at my frustration. The thing is, when you're getting out of a seat, try not to pull on the seat in front of you. People could be sleeping and then you startle them. I know I was startled when she pulled on my seat. That's why I said Jesus christ.

Now most planes come equiped with a tv in front of you, so you can entertain yourself. It's touch screen so you can touch the screen and choose all you want. Also, you can use your arm rest to change the channels and volume. What people don't seem to understand is that you should lightly touch the screen. Not poke holes into it. And NOT push so hard to wake up the person in front of you!!! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, DUMBASS?!!

So one day I turned around and saw an old lady....I won't call her old. Let's say she's 55 and she's poking the shit out of the screen. I'm trying to rest and listen to my music, but my head kept bopping and it wasn't because of the music. I turned around nicely and told her that she did not have to push hard. And that she could also use her arm rest to change the channels. She smiled and said she was sorry and so on. Her buddies looked over at her and laughed. I was highly annoyed. It was obvious that she didn't travel much.

If your travelling, you should know the LJ Airplane Etiquette.

• Hurray up and put your bags away quickly so there's no back up and I'm waiting for your dumbass to get out of my way. I want to sit down and not have to look at your face.
• Don't carry large bags and crap on to the plane and leave no room for others to put their small carry ons.
• No pulling on chair.
• Don't pass gas. Air circulation will only rotate your stink around the cabin.
• I don't want to hear your problems. Be quite.
• Do NOT bring your spoiled brat on the plane. Crying babies are not allowed near me.
• When using the Touch Screen to view your movies and play your games, do not push too hard. You will disturb the person in front of you.
• Do NOT push your seat all the way back like you are home. How rude is that? VERY RUDE. Some guy just went all the way back and quick too. I cursed out loud. No thinking twice there either.
• Do NOT keep getting up and making me get up from my seat so your dumbass can go to the bathroom. If you do that, then ask for a fucking aisle seat! That's why I sit in one.
• Stop messing around with the buttons above us. Just sit still. You're pissing me off.
• Do NOT sit next to me like you're home and spread your legs and arms. No part of your body should be over my side of the arm rest at any time.
• Do NOT allow your kid to step over me.
• Do NOT step over me.
• Follow the rules of the plane and listen to instructions.
• No talking on cell phones when plane is driving on the runway about to take off. Turn it off and shut the hell up. Leaving your cell phone on during take off can cause interference between the pilot and the tower.
• Clean up after yourself when you use the bathroom, for god's sake!

That's pretty much it.

This has been brought to you by LJ.