When Someone Dies Suddenly

There was a death in the family. She was in my life since the day I was born. It's strange these days when I think of her and realize she's no longer with us. And then you start to think of all the times you spent with her. The things she did. Her little smiles. The things she'd say like, "Hey babe." And she always sounded cool saying it. You look at all the pictures you have of her or the pictures you took with her and see the pictures she had of you that you thought were ugly. My hair was crazy in some. Or the curls my mother would put in my hair. Those were cute. Then some teenage pictures of me on the phone with this grey vest and white shirt I had on. Boy was I skinny then. And then my family and I get together to talk about the fun times we had.

One christmas, we were at my aunt's house. I was young, say around 3 or 4. And so were my cousins. We'd often play around the house. My mother was always watching us. No one else really ever checked up on us. I probably shouldn't say that. I think my grandmother did as well. But my mother was always around watching us all. But this time we were alone in the basement. We were running around the pool table. I always played with the balls. Uh, the pool table balls. I think the stick was too big for me-- okay this is all wrong. We were "playing" around the pool table and sometimes we'd take the balls and roll them to hit the others since we didn't know how to use the stick. Better? So we're playing and laughing. Then all of a sudden we all stopped and noticed something. Something in the far corner moved. We all screamed and ran upstairs. I ran to my mother and said there was a ghost. We all said we saw a ghost. At that time, my uncle had just passed away and my mother had believed it might have been him that scared us. Though I was young, she didn't tell me this. If she did, I would not have ever slept alone in my room again.

Years later, my mother would tell me stories of how she would be scared to sleep in the main bedroom, where my aunt and her husband had slept. My aunt would always give up her room for my parents. Of course, being in my aunt's house, I would demand to sleep in between my parents. My mother would never say no. I would sleep without any problems. I had a smile on my face. But my mother told me one day that she felt my uncle in the room. That a few times he tried to grab her. He'd pull on her dress or the cover. My mom would turn over and see me and my dad and would then tell my uncle to stop. The next day she'd tell my aunt about it and she'd laughed. Or at least I think she did. I'm not sure what they both said to each other when my mother brought it up. But I believed my mother. She was always into things like that. Always praying.

So my mother calls me up one day and tells me that my aunt is sick. She tells me what's wrong and it's cancer. But the minute we find this out, we're all like, "what?" I mean we didn't know she was sick. We saw her not too long ago. And now she's in the hospital. The following week, she was home. So I didn't go to see her. I thought she would be okay. So I passed on seeing her. But shortly after that, she was back in the hospital. Things were getting bad each day that passed. And when we knew exactly what she had, we knew there was no getting better. And now she was heavily sadated and not awake. I went to see her and as soon as I saw her, I started to cry. I cried like I was just finding out she was gone. She was tied down and tubes all around. She had lost her hair. She had lost alot of weight. I could not go in and my little sister and I stood outside crying in each other's arms. I had lost my chance to see her.

I walked out with my parents. Looked at them both. My dad ready to cry, but holding it all in. My mother sad and crying because she loved her so much. And here I was lucky to still have my parents. But my dad was losing his sister and I thought of mine and I gave her a hug.

Several weeks past and she was no better, but one day my mother called and said she was up and talking. I raced down there the next day with my parents. I walked into her room and there she was wide awake. She sees my dad and looks surprised and happy to see him. She says, "Hey babe." And then sees us all after him. She smiles, happy to see us all. It was me, my parents and my brother. I kiss her and look at her and give her my best smile. I wasn't going to look sad in front of her. So we spent time talking to her and I cracked a few jokes. Told her about my t.v. auditions and how I was going to race around the world for a million bucks. Her eyes wide open with surprise, she smiles. And grabs my hand. After we all had spent time there, we started to leave. I stayed behind for a moment longer alone with her. I said a few things, smiled and she said she loved me. She knew she wouldn't see me again. I was having trouble holding back my tears. I said I loved her too and that I would see her again. Then I said that she should get some rest. I kissed her and smiled. And she turned to look out the window.

I got in the car and drove my parents home. Kept my cool for my dad. Once I got to my place, I dropped on my bed and cried for hours. She was my aunt and my god mother. And all this was so sudden. And right before she died, she turned 73. She died of Lung Cancer. She smoke all her life, but stopped smoking 5 years ago. But even still, it took over her body. But once we were all told, in a matter of weeks, she was gone. Suddenly gone and we were all left without her.

Though millions of people smoke each day, it's hard to break the habit. Cancer, no matter what it is, it's cancer and it's deadly. My mother had cancer and is a survior. She had breast cancer. To me cancer is cancer. This month, I honor all that have lived and survived cancer and all those that have died from it. And although this is Breast Cancer Month, I honor my aunt as well as my mother and as well as the millions of people living and that have died from it.

Now that she is gone, she can be with her husband after all these years, I feel. But now I don't think my mother will be bothered by him if she ever sleeps in their room again. But then I don't think she will if she has to deal with them both. ;)