PMS

Why does PMS make us cry? Last night I cried so hard. A number of reasons I would say. But it made me cry so hard, I almost cried a river in my living room.

I'm on the train and the bad smell of man who either has just finished work or just got up, is annoying the shit out of me that I look at him and stare him off down to the end of the train car. Emotional still at work, my pal comes by and tickles my ear and I snapped at her. The first time I was ever mean to her. She has this habit of tickling my ears. Strange puppet, she is. So I apologize right away for snapping because I don't want her to be mad at me. She understood and went back to her desk. Working non stop, I watch the people pass by my desk from the corner of my eye. They look at me and they feel my fire. It's either that, or they think I'm nuts and know i'm PMSing. So they walk by me without bothering me for anything. But there's always one asswipe who can care less if you are PMSing. He comes to you and asks for the APT project and documents asap. Sure, it's done. It was done two days ago. But you will make him wait because now he made you get up from your comfortable chair where you positioned yourself just right and the PMS meter is rising fast. So before you send him the documents, you walk over to your closet to get the baseball bat and start to walk towards his office. You enter his office, close his door, and beat him. Don't kill him...I mean you'd want to finish him off, but you don't. You open the door and return to your place and send him the documents. I think he has learned his lesson. NEVER BOTHER ME WHEN I'M PMSing!!

I get into the elevator. I'm in a bit of a hurry. I mean I need to get to the Gap so I can buy that cute black bag. I get on at 31 and it stops at 29. Two people get on, but one decides to keep talking to the other who is walking the other way. "GET ON OR FUCK OFF!" I wanna say. But I wait patiently. The PMS meter is rising but I'm controlling it...I think. Oh what the hell. I push her off the elevator causing her to slide across the floor on her ass as the elevator doors closed. The guy next to me stands there in shock with his mouth wide open. Down we go, this gentlemen and I. He stood there quiet. He's smart. He must have a couple of sisters. Growing up with them must have been hell. I walk out the elevator and out to the street.

On the way home, I get a seat on the train. I want more than anything to get home and get into bed. So the train is off. We hit two stations and then the train stops. I've been sitting here for 15 minutes. I'm surprised that I have not put my foot through the door yet. I guess it's because I have a seat and I don't have to stand up. But somehow I manage to let out a scream and scare the entire car. All of a sudden we start moving, as if my scream was heard by the operator and he listened to my command. Do you ever feel like that? Ever say to yourself, "move this train now." And then it moves? No? Well then I must be the only one with that ability. So, I get off the train and head up the stairs, but this chick with a big ass is taking her sweet time. I can't seem to get around her. So I grab her by the belt, cause she really needs a belt to hold those tight ass pants of hers up, and I pull her back and throw her down the stairs. Now she's out of my way. Man, this PMS thing is powerful. On a normal day, I wouldn't go around hurting people. No, not me.

So I get into bed after a nice long warm bath. Pull my covers over and close my eyes. It's 11:30pm and it's peaceful.

BANG!! THUMP,THUMP THUMP!!

"WHAT THE F#@%!" I say. The old lady upstairs is making lots of noise. Why at this time? She can't be wearing combat boots. What is going on up there? I'm tired and I want to sleep. I can't!! So I wait. Now what's this? I hear someone talking. It's coming from the outside. I get up from my bed and open the window. I see no one, but then look up to see someone in the window above me smoking and talking on his cell phone. I call out to him. Tell him to stop talking loud and making noise. That he was keeping me up. Why, he just told me to what?? He could care less, ay? I get dressed and put on my sneakers. I like having bats around the house. So I pick up my nice bat from the closet and proceed to make my way upstairs. I knock on the door and the big macho guy comes out. But you know, he comes out ready to fight. Ready to fight a chick? Wow, this amazed me. I bet he wouldn't be so tough with a man his size or bigger. So does this scare me? No, not at all. It only encouraged me to beat him senseless as the old lady ran around her apartment screaming. I topped it off with a spit to his face and told the old lady if she had any more visitors like this, I'll be back. I walked back to my place. Washed my bat of his blood and went to bed. It was nice. I fell asleep within minutes. Like a baby in her mother's arms.

The next day I get up and I'm feeling good. I'm feeling happy, sexy, sweet and kind. I sat there thinking I must have had a terrible dream last night. Well, I shook my head, "whatever..." and got up to shower and brush my teeth. My hair came out good. My outfit was great. I wasn't bloated anymore and the day was beautiful. The train ride in was quick and the office was quiet. My boss and his co-workers were all on vacation. "Yeah, this is the way I like it." I said. "Nice and quiet and no one around." My friend comes around the corner, a bit hesitant. "How are you today?" She asked. "Oh, just fine. I feel great, why?" She stood there with a puzzled look on her face. "Umm..oh, no reason. Ha ha ha, no reason at all."