VACATION TIME!

Yes folks, it's that time of the year where the tomatoes bloom and the flowers grow. Oh wait...flowers bloom and I certainly don't know about tomatoes. I mean, tomatoes are good, but do I want to bit into a fat tomato like I bite into a nice red apple? Ever do that? It's gross. I like my tomato cut up in little pieces and mixed up in my rice and beans when I eat my burito. Or cut thin and placed in my juicy hamburger. But don't cut it thick or else I'll take it out and leave it on the side. It would waste and I'm sure the person that cut the tomato would not appreciate that I didn't eat it. I say f#&% him. I'm not eating that shit like that. Do it right when I tell you the first time, mo fo.

(*sigh*) I'm sorry. Sometimes I just get distracted and I get a little nutty. Well, my blog for today talks about the trials and tribulations of my wait time for my next vacation. Back in January, I was dying to get away. Perhaps for my birthday, but then again, if you bring me my favorite cake, I'll forget about everything else for that time. At least til I finish my cake. So it was planned that we go on vacation in April. But things happened, blah blah blah, and so that was out. Then someone decided to move and leave NY. His plans almost interrupted my dream, but eventually all that changed and we decided on a month to go on a trip. (Long story. I'm a bit tired at the moment. Nails getting longer and harder to type. What crap, I know.) So now we decided to go to two places and one being.....you'll have to guess where! Or better yet, stay tuned for details when WE get back!!

Tanning begins this week. Am I ready? Yes. Will I get dark as shit? Not sure. But we are going to have fun in the hot sun.

I will attempt to dive deep into the sea, visiting the sea creatures and exploring the caves. Hoping to find treasures, I will take a back pack to pack the goodies in. Although I'm not sure a back pack will fit over the tank. I'll just hang it on my side belt. Then I will touch my partner and he will look at me through his goggles and motion yes as I point up. Which means, I'm ready to go up, mo fo. I have to pee!

See, I won't pee in the ocean. I fear the sharks will come by. Then we will swim up to the surface slowly, but I am slower cause my bag is heavy and I won't let it go. But my partner motions to me that I'm being a turd and I should let it drop so we can move faster. I motion to him...what the f @%# for?? And he motions back...because I want to get out of here and you're pissing me off. Besides, there are some huge f#$@*ing fishes coming our way and I'm not gonna fight them off just to save your f@#*ing ass and your bag of goodies!

Now I get pissed off at this and motion back to him...You wouldn't try to save me if I were being chased or attacked by a fish? So you're saying, that you would just run off and leave me here? Is that what you're saying, mo fo? He motions by nodding his head, yes.

While I'm motioning my ass off at him, he spots a big white shark coming up behind me. Knowing that I won't stop motioning to him, he decides to insult me to further piss me off.

You suck! And I hope you can't sleep at night when you get back home! I'm shutting down your vacation funds and you won't get anymore vacations from me! Pissed off at this, I motion back and take both hands to grab his neck. Not realizing what I had done because I was angry, I let the heavy bag of goodies drop. But as it dropped, it landed on the shark that just happened to be passing underneath us, ready to bite me. The shark is knocked out and we both look at each other in shock. We begin to swim fast to the surface.

We're helped up onto the boat and the tour guides helped us get our mask off. We both took in the air and looked back to the water. Not feeling disappointed that I lost my treasures, I hug Tomas and motion to him that I was sorry. "Umm...you can talk now, dorkahanis." He says. I guess I was in too much of a shock to talk. And so the boat drove off.

Am I clairvoyant? Is this what happens on my trip? Shit I'm good.