THIS JUST IN

Kmart, the 34th street location, was slapped with a health violation because of their "dirty" undergarments, preventing women from trying on the bras. Ask if all other Kmarts were employing competent people to work the dressing rooms, but no one had any comments. "You may be able to return a bra at another location..." Says the manager. "But not panties." Who tries on panties? If they allow customers to walk in with underwear, letting them try it on for a good 5 to 10 minutes, just to see if their ass looks good in them, then all Kmart stores will be slapped with a health violation. What store allows customers to try on panties?

I went out on the streets to ask the women if they try on underwear at stores.

Sally from Kentucky said: "I don't try on panties at all. You never know who had it on. Oh my goodness, no."

Naynay from Brooklyn said: "If I can get away with bringing them into the fitting room, then yes."

In a disgusted rage, I shouted so everyone could hear...."SHE'S A DIRTY BITCH, PEOPLE! DON'T LET HER INTO YOUR FITTING ROOMS!" Police dragged her down to the ground as she attempted to assault me. But I was fine. I was just doing my job. But getting back to the issue at hand, Bras are one thing, but panties? That's another issue.

So the next time you walk into the Kmart's bra section, you might want to keep on walking.

I'm LaniJoan reporting to you live from Kmart. Thanks to all you dirty bitches out there for causing health issues at Kmart!!

Back to you, Bob...