Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Cheese Burgers

I don't understand why some women wear clothes that don't fit them well. If you have a gut that you're not exercising away, then don't wear pants that choke your waist. I can't breathe just looking at it.

One day, years ago, I was shopping with my friend. I was thin in those days and she was chunky. We were looking at clothes and found that we liked the same red shirt. So we both looked for a size. I took out a size 5/6 and she took out a size 5/6. "What???" I said to myself. How can this chick pick out a 5/6 when clearly she needs a 9/10? I mean, where is she gonna hide her cheese burgers?

She loved the shirt so much, that the shirt I had in my hands turned into green vomit. I had to put it back on the rack. "Do you think it's nice on me?" She asked. I actually said to her maybe she needed another size, but she said that was her size. As a good friend (ha ha), I turned away and mumbled under my breath, "yeah right."

And so she bought the shirt.

4 Lovely Comments:

LJ said...

Or I can just be honest and while I'm walking down the hallways at work, I can tell people how bad they look.

"I know today is a special promotion day for you, but that suit is choking my brother's chicken if you know what I mean..."

Oh wait...does that mean it looks good then? Crap!

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. My pants are so tight, they're spanking my monkey.

LJ said...

Ummm...I'm sorry?

I meant to say her suit is so tight it's choking my brother. But it's too late now.

.........

Anonymous said...

Oh geez...I'm so embarassed now.

Sorry...